Our gazes tangled, like two dancers meeting in the center of the ballroom, dancing to a melody that is familiar to both of us, enacting a coming and going of subtle gestures as a mime would translate unspoken words. For an instant, even as we look at each other from side to side of the room, the space between us feels minuscule, as if our noses are about to touch. Our eyes reflect themselves, like the moon sinking into its own reflection in the calm sea. But even when I think we are so close that your heartbeat resonates within mine, the truth is that there is a whole world between us.
Unfortunately, for two people to meet across the world, it takes two wills. Not just one.
Nowadays, the family reunion scene where relatives ask you about “why haven't you gotten married yet?” Or "why don't you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?" It has become a comedic cliché in popular culture, even when it is not so funny to the person answering the interrogation. But today I don't want to delve into the reasons why we get married or have a relationship, but rather to explore the intrinsic need that we, as human beings, have to try to exert control in the outside world. In other words, why do we fight reality so hard, to get the love of that certain "special" person, or to receive the marriage proposal, or simply to change the way people perceive us.
In psychology-related jargon, Control Freak, refers to "a person who feels an obsessive need to exert control over himself and others and take command of any situation," and even though we need to emphasize "obsessive" in the definition, the truth is as human beings, We all have traits of different pathologies, and it is only until the condition hinders our ability to relate to others that it is considered a mental illness. The term Control Freak is not clinical, so there is no clear definition. This term is widely used in the professional environment for those who suffer from a controlling boss, or in relationships, when one party tries to control the life of the other.
But once again, I want to focus on the subtler aspect of control, the aspect that is even encouraged in our society: fulfilling our heart's desires.
If we fall in love with a person, or want a certain job, or achieve specific goals, we are constantly encouraged to pursue our dream, to declare our feelings for that person, or to work hard enough to get that dream job. It is believed that sacrifice is one of the ingredients to achieve success, so many times we allow ourselves to go through high doses of suffering, considered justified, in order to hear the long-awaited "Yeah", even when in reality, that person will never see you with the "eyes of love" or simply because you are not smart enough to become the next president of the company.
The powerful desire that emanates from our heart towards that person or objective obfuscates our perception of reality, and we immerse ourselves in the Illusion of Control, which is the tendency to overestimate our ability to control events, to change our reality. Every time we tell ourselves “he will like me” or “He will change,” we are exercising this illusory form of control, which, along with our Positive BiasWe, we believe, will transform our reality to match our expectations.
Even when detachment from reality may seem negative, they are considered as Positive Illusions Within psychology, these forms of self-deception are necessary to maintain self-esteem and are considered highly prevalent in normal thinking and associated with mental health.
But then, if it is good to get hooked on the illusion of obtaining the love of your most loved one, when is it enough? When is it fair to let a dream be swept away by the waves of oblivion and not feel like a loser? Considering that we live in a cultural meritocracy, where if you can't get something like a relationship or a marriage it's because you didn't work hard enough.
As I said at the beginning, I am convinced that for two people to meet across the world, two wills are needed. The fact that two lines that surround a sphere intersect at some point can be attributed to chance, but it takes the will of both to continue moving in parallel, in the same direction, otherwise, that person will only be tangential to our lives. . And there is a third type, the asymptotic person or love, referring to the analytical geometry term, of a line that continually approaches a given curve but does not meet it at any finite distance. No matter how close they feel to us, that person will never be with us, no matter what we do…
Some will argue: isn't true love considered infinite?
Well, yes, within romanticism, but that will depend entirely on you.
Perhaps it is a natural trait of humans generated through years of evolution, to be the person with an optimistic bias who circles eternally around this world, as described in the Pink Floyd song I Wish you Were Here, “We are just two lost souls, swimming in a fish tank, year after year,” naively hoping that our paths will cross beyond that finite distance.
M. Ch. Landa
